What is news? Well the news is 'new stuff' but with the 's' of 'stuff' added to the word 'new,' having said that please disregard the 'tuff' bit of 'stuff' though, or you get 'news tuff' and that would be nonsense and my news isn't nonsense, and here is the news.
And here for all my lovely devoted friends is a flash! Sorry that should read here is a newsflash, but you just can't get translators these days can you?
Today I launched a project on the world famous crowd funding website
The project has been created to fund the making of a 3D animated short film of my much loved first book "Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary." It would be really wonderful if you could click along to my page on Kickstarter: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1316679464/getting-out-animated-3d-short-film-trailer and drop a few coins in my hat so to speak, and in return you'll receive some very special rewards.
So thank you all in advance my dear cuddly readers, I know you are all so wonderful and wonderfully generous and tougher we can make the best 3D animated Cat movie ever.
At long last we have stocks of my latest and to date most wonderful masterpiece of feline literature 'The Cat's Travelogue' at my www-WickedlyWonderfulWebsite's Store.
Quite frankly it has taken so long to get stocks because my wonderfully discerning and cuddly readers have been buying my wonderful book just as quickly as it has been printed and delivered to the shops and of course our biggest retailer www.amazon.com.
So now you can get your copy of 'The Cat's Travelogue' from the wonderful furry author and while reading it imagine I am sitting on your lap, and don't forget as dear Clint Eastwood says for a few dollars more you can have what we now call the 'Exclusive' edition which will be signed by me and by my translator Mr. John Woodcock in one of his lucid moments.
Yes that is right after a long wait you can finally relax, put your feet up and start reading my latest unputdownable book "The Cat's Travelogue."
But may I suggest that you take care not to drink too much while reading it because it has been described as "so funny it might make you wee yourself."
"The Cat's Travelogue" is a clear concise and honest account of my journey around your world and I use the word 'your' deliberately. Some of the places I visited were not fit for feline habitation and others were... well let's just say that there are some curious folk in this world and they live in very curious places in a very curious way.
The good news is that if you read this wonderful masterpiece of feline literature you will be able to ensure that unlike the poor Cat you don't have to visit places like Bangladesh, Egypt and of course France - you know the less fortunate countries of the world where civilisation took one look at the inhabitants, switched off the light and very carefully and quietly closed the door hoping that no one inside would notice.
It is a very, very funny book and The Cat dares you not to enjoy it, as usual he welcomes your comments and suggestions so long as they are polite and don't contravene any of the laws of nature. You can leave a comment on his www - wickedly wonderful website or indeed write to him at email@example.com.
You can now see some short movies with Oscar winning potential on my new Video page. One marvellous movie stars my very good friend Jimmy the Black Cat and the other exquisite movie, which I would say has Oscar winning potential written all over it – or would have if my web boffins had let me have 'my' own way – shows my screen double Lupin (odd name, I know but he is German) gate-crashing a German TV weather forecast. Some may call this 'adding value' to German TV of course!
I have just reduced the price of all eBooks at My Store to help with the cost of Christmas! And if you are really good I may continue this offer.
I know everybody is finding it difficult to do Christmas shopping because of the snow. Just for you from now until Christmas morning I have a team of people working 24/7 ready here at Cat World HQ to take your orders and send you the eBooks that you need!
News flash! It's snowing on My Site - www.thecatsdiary.com - and you can jingle your own bells!
For those who can't get enough of Me, here are more places where my fans can worship Me:
Biggest news ever! A printed version of my great book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' is now available at My Store!
Here is some very big news for everyone who wants a printed version of my wonderful work of genius 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary!'
The printed version of my book is now exclusively available from click here and lucky you, you will get my book in the post very quickly, I know you will love reading it almost as much as you adore me!
Recently the good people of Los Angeles, Seattle, New York, London, Manchester, Moscow, St Petersburg and several other cities worldwide decided to honour me by adding my portrait to some of their walls as part of their Christmas decorations, my book apparently has been voted the best value present, money can buy this Christmas.
Ok so some of the neighbourhoods were a bit dodgy but something amazing has happened - probably as amazing as the occasion we celebrate at Christmas - the crime rate has dropped significantly in these dodgy streets.
The Mayor of London is talking about giving me the freedom of the city, but I am just a simple Cat and would settle for everyone in the world just buying my book!
And just for Christmas my contribution to a Joyeux Noel, more of me, aren't you just the luckiest surfer, by the way might I politely enquire have you bought my book yet? Over 400, yes four hundred pages of laughter!
Come on do you think this website pays for itself, it is Christmas after all! Read more here.
Hello my unfurry friends, guess what? That idiot of a translator has written his own book, yes and on his own too, without any help from me - if you ever did!
The book is the first in a series of books for children of all ages and it is all about the Trams of Prague (in the Czech Republic for those of you who are geographically challenged), it is actually rather good and if I tell you any more then you won't buy it and that might really not be a good idea, all I will say now is that when my friend Pam read it she couldn't put it down and I am sure that wasn't because she got cramp from holding the book in front of her face for too long.
Buy it in My Store! - Well I said I would help him out, I am after all, world famous and as a celebrity people do tend to believe me when I proclaim something to be rather good.
Apart from the fact that 'blog' is a very silly word and normally I would not have anything to do with something that sounds not unlike a blocked toilet, I am very very pleased to tell you that I have started to write a blog.Now this blog is going to be so unlike most of the ones you read because as you know I am not some sort of sad Anorak who is going to wobble on about collecting things or give you the highlights of a ride on a Tram in Prague - oh no, My Blog is so very much like me, wonderful, entertaining and thoroughly original.
If you want to curl your toes with delight type this address into your web browser's address bar or if you are just plain lazy copy and paste this address and enjoy - Ok, I made it even easier, just click: http://thecatsdiary.blogspot.com
Hello all of my lovely and lucky readers/visitors, in line with all of the retail outlets, websites and even some governments around the world I have something to give away. Come closer and close your eyes and wait patiently for your free gift, a Cat kiss from The Cat - oh hang on I just have to finish my tin of Sardines - burp! Ugh!
Regina Moller is a rather famous modern artist with an exhibition at the Tate Gallery and guess what I am being featured in 'Regina' the artwork magazine thingy that she creates occasionally for art galleries and this time the issue is for the Tate gallery in England and it with feature a page from my work of genius Diary - just how cool is your friendly Cat, you can answer that!
Which of course all means I am a work of art! Read more here.
And of course you can visit My Store and find out why one of the most respected artists alive today thinks I am wunderbar - well she is German tee hee.
Now about the better looking and obviously more famous Cat... Buy my book here
If you want to download my wonderfully brilliant book "Getting Out" and print it out on the office laser printer I have created a special A4 formatted edition just for you and at no extra cost.
Yes it is true I am just so very special, and it is also true that if you want to increase the amount you pay for the book you can just donate the extra amount.
Don't forget if there is anything that you lovely customers want just drop me a line and I will work on it, especially if it means that you wonderful people will be parting with even more of the folding stuff!
Yes it is true I am the official Cat on MySpace which with my help has grown from just a few computer nerds playing with their kilobytes into a major corporation with a vast number of computer nerds playing with their megabytes.
You can have a look at my MySpace pages using the link below and in the unlikely event that you have read everything I have written here there is a link to a few of my favourite award winning blogs written by - well I blush, but you can guess who!
My Blog URL: http://blog.myspace.com/thecatsdiary
The site has undergone a major over haul, face lift and revamp, everything has been upgraded, except the price of my wonderful book, yes I know I must be insane, because let's face it there is only one reason for the site's existence and that is to flog as many copies of the Turkey as we can!
So I have done my bit and made the site a better, prettier place, now it is up to you all, pull the plastic from your pocketbook and cane the store for all its worth, and if you don't go over your limit on the first shopping spree we hope to see you back real soon.